On The Inside Page 6

  “I’m good. I’ve got plenty of energy left,” Jess replied.

  “Trust me,” Abigail joked. “You’ll regret saying that.”

  But Jess didn’t regret saying it and continued to work on her until she fell asleep. At first she wasn’t sure she had, but then Jess heard a faint snore and noticed she went completely limp.

  Jess slid off the bed while holding Abigail up and gently lifted her onto the mattress, setting her head against the pillow. She crouched down and admired Abigail for a few minutes, then kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the top bunk, where she lay, wide awake.

  Right before midnight, Jess heard Abigail stir. She mumbled, “What? How did I?”

  “You awake?” Jess said in a low voice.

  “Yeah. I must’ve fallen asleep. Sorry about that.”

  “No need to apologize. How are you feeling?”

  “Great. I haven’t felt this good in a long time. Thanks.”

  Jess smiled. “Maybe I should’ve been a chiropractor instead of a furniture repair person.”

  “You could always become a massage therapist. The training is shorter, and you’ve got the knack. Steve had a woman working for him with five years’ experience who wasn’t as good as you.”

  Jess beamed. She’d also noticed she finally said his name—Steve.

  After hesitating, Jess asked, “How long were you married?”

  Abigail was quiet for a while. It was pitch black, but the room seemed to grow darker. “Ten years,” she eventually answered.

  Abigail’s voice had soured, and Jess didn’t want to ruin the evening when she’d done such a good job pleasing her earlier.

  “Maybe I’ll research that massage school when I get out. That’s a good idea. I could see myself doing something like that, helping people. So how about you? Do you have any idea what you’d like to do in the future?”

  Abigail let out a deep sigh. “No.”

  “How come? Haven’t you given it any thought?”

  “I’ve given it plenty,” Abigail said, sounding tired. “The truth is I don’t have to make plans for the future because they’ll never let me out of here… ever.”

  Chapter 10

  Megan sat in her office studying her notes. She was pleased with Jess’ progress, and Kristen was coming along just fine, slowly but surely.

  But it was the violent prisoners that intrigued Megan most. It was like something inside them had died and they were incapable of being reached. She found it both depressing and fascinating, always poring over the literature, trying to decipher what made them tick, to discern if there was any way she could help them. She didn’t accept the idea of a “lost cause.”

  Megan heard her phone vibrate. She picked it up and saw a text message from her boyfriend. “Are we still on for the Italian place?” he asked.

  She texted back, “No. I’m sorry. I forgot I have dinner with the boss tonight. Can’t get out of it. Another time?”

  Megan didn’t really care if they rescheduled for another night. She liked him, but she wasn’t crazy about him. Unfortunately, it just made him chase her more, which annoyed her to no end. She’d probably have to dump him soon, she thought.

  On her lunch break, Megan decided to leave the grounds and take in the sunshine. As she relaxed on a park bench, a light wind blew through her hair, and the scent that came with it reminded her of a date she’d gone on with Rob when she was sixteen.

  He’d taken her to a grassy spot near his house. Nothing special, just a place he went when he wanted to be alone, away from his nagging mom and younger sister who got on his nerves. He’d spread out a blanket and they lay down on it. First side by side on their backs while chatting about colleges they’d apply to, then they turned to face each other and began kissing.

  They never went all the way, but it would happen soon. Megan had it all planned out. It would be special.

  Her parents were going out of town, a couple’s trip to rekindle the romance. And since she was trustworthy, they decided it would be okay for her to stay home alone. Megan thought she’d be more nervous that evening since it was her first time. Instead she felt calm, never more sure that she was making the right decision.

  Toes pedicured, legs waxed, and hair straightened to the point it flowed over her shoulders like strands of silk, Megan patiently waited for Rob. When he didn’t show up or call at the planned time, she just assumed he was running late. She nibbled on a few pieces of shrimp that she’d prepared.

  Another hour passed and the doorbell finally rang. Elated and not in the least bit upset he was late, Megan skipped to the door to answer it. When she opened it she was surprised to see his younger sister. She looked terrible, like she’d been crying.

  “I couldn’t call,” she told Megan. “I asked my mom to drop me off here, and I told her you’d take me home afterward.”

  The hair on Megan’s arms stood up. Something wasn’t right. “Of course I’ll take you home. No problem, but come in, please.”

  The fourteen-year-old, usually bubbly and full of sarcasm looked ill. She stepped in the foyer and said, “It’s Rob. He was out with Phil today, and you know Phil. He’s trouble.”

  Megan knew Phil well. She’d been trying to steer Rob away from him. He was into drinking and drugs and seemed to be headed nowhere fast.

  “Please. Tell me what’s the matter,” Megan pressed, no longer able to stand the pressure.

  The teen erupted into tears. “They were messing around with drugs and something happened. Rob collapsed and Phil called 911, but by the time the ambulance got there, Rob was already gone.”

  Megan slowly absorbed what she had just heard. Rob was gone. She went numb. She wanted to cry and scream and fall to the ground, but she saw Tina before her, sobbing, and looking so small all of a sudden. Instead she reacted by leaning down to embrace her. She hugged her tight while rocking her back and forth, telling her it would be okay. Megan realized Tina’s parents were probably worried sick about her and that letting her deliver the news was an unbelievably generous gesture. She decided to get dressed and drive Tina home as soon as possible.

  Megan’s phone vibrated, bringing her back to the present. The text message read, “How about Saturday night? We could do Thai food if you prefer.”

  Megan pressed the phone’s off button. She didn’t want to think about that now. She preferred to spend her last ten minutes relaxing in the sun.

  *****

  An officer brought Abigail in for her session with Megan. Rested and with some new ideas on how to get her to open up, Megan greeted her.

  “How are you feeling today?” she asked.

  Abigail took a seat, formal as always, with perfect posture. “I’m doing well. Thank you.”

  That was what she always said, without fail.

  “Anything new and exciting?” Megan asked, trying to be casual.

  Abigail smiled. “Nope. Nothing new on my end.”

  Megan glanced at her notes. “And how are you getting along with Jess?”

  “Just fine. Couldn’t ask for a nicer roommate.”

  Megan studied Abigail’s face and saw no indication of a struggle. She looked peaceful and happy, which seemed impossible considering her file. If anyone should be breaking down, it should be her, Megan thought.

  “So how have your parents been doing? Have you seen them recently?”

  “Yes. They come every week. They’re doing well.”

  Here we go again with the dance to nowhere, Megan thought. The time-wasting tango. She projected patience but was getting inwardly annoyed. She felt Abigail could sense it too, which frustrated her even more.

  “Any contact with your ex-husband?” Megan asked.

  “Nope. No contact,” Abigail replied in the same even tone. It was as if no subject could elicit an emotion beyond the outward calm. Then she added, “My parents did mention he’d remarried though.”

  Megan perked up. She jumped at the only opening she’d ever been given. “And are you okay with that?
”

  “I’m fine,” Abigail replied. “It was to be expected.”

  Megan couldn’t tell if Abigail wore a smirk or if it was just her imagination. When you spent as much time as she did with crazies, you started seeing stuff that often wasn’t there.

  “How come you feel that way?” Megan asked.

  Abigail couldn’t wiggle out of that question.

  She shifted in her seat. “I guess because time has gone by, and it just makes sense… and because he had been dating her while we were married.”

  Megan watched Abigail’s facial expression. She was as serene as before she’d uttered the comment. But at least she was sharing something.

  “Did that go on long? I mean, was she always in the picture?”

  “Not long,” Abigail answered. “It started when things got stressful at home. I’m assuming it was a form of escape.”

  “From the situation,” Megan added, hoping Abigail would finally talk about it.

  “Yes.”

  Screw it, Megan decided. She’d just ask her a direct question. “Would you like to discuss the situation? I mean, it is why you’re here. I’d like to help.”

  Abigail gave Megan a disdainful look that spoke volumes. It was clear she thought Megan was a naïve fool. “I don’t see how you could do anything to help. What’s done is done.”

  With that said the buzzer rang, and Abigail’s session was over, just like Megan’s chances of getting anywhere with her it seemed.

  *****

  Lakeisha, Megan, and Laura met at the local Applebee’s for dinner. At first Megan was hesitant, not knowing if it was a good idea to spend time outside of work with the boss, but Lakeisha had insisted. She’d coordinated the whole thing.

  Megan ordered a Coke instead of the margarita she really wanted. It was best to err on the side of caution, she thought.

  “I’m so glad you guys invited me. I haven’t had a night out in quite a while,” Laura said.

  “What she means is she hasn’t had a night out with grown-ups,” Lakeisha teased. “She’s always running the kids to soccer practice, marching band, gymnastics.”

  Megan watched them interact with ease and relaxed into her chair a bit. “How many children do you have?” she asked Laura.

  “Four. All two years apart. Two boys and two girls. They keep me busy.”

  Warden Laura seemed to brighten when she spoke of her kids. Megan couldn’t imagine how she managed to attend all their activities, considering how much responsibility she had at the prison. Just thinking about it was exhausting.

  “You’re next,” Laura said to Lakeisha. They knew about her pregnancy now. No one had been more thrilled to hear the news than Laura.

  Lakeisha smiled. “Thank the Lord. We tried for so long. Feels good to finally be blessed.”

  Megan studied Lakeisha. She envied people with strong religious beliefs. She wished she could be one of them. It was like a club she was dying to join, had been invited to even, but wasn’t quite able to ever make through the front door.

  “How about you, Megan?” Laura asked while she was spacing out. “Are you planning to have kids?”

  Before she could answer Lakeisha jabbed her. “A man has to get her to commit first. And they better put their gym shoes on, cause this one’s difficult to catch.”

  Everyone laughed at the joke.

  “Don’t worry. You’ve got time,” Laura said. “When the right one comes along, you’ll just know it.”

  The waitress arrived then, distracting the pair, so neither of them saw the ever so tiny frown that pulled at the corner of Megan’s lips. Before they could pick up on it, Megan forced a smile. “I’m sure you’re right,” she agreed.

  Megan could see what Lakeisha meant now, about Laura having a softer side. She couldn’t imagine why she’d been so scared of her before. It seemed downright silly. It would make sense she wouldn’t show it much at work. She had to be tough at work – she was a leader. Maybe that was what Megan needed to do. Toughen up. Stop having patients lead her in circles.

  After taking a sip of her Coke, she decided that’s just what she’d do.

  Chapter 11

  Kristen’s exercise group expanded. Abigail joined and suggested Jess join too.

  “You go ahead. It’s not really my thing,” Jess told Abigail, then continued shooting hoops. Jess would’ve considered trying it for her, but with Kristen heading it up, she thought it best to pass.

  While feigning interest in the game, Jess managed to watch Abigail, with Kristen at her side helping her learn the routine. It was weird to see them together, because she felt absolutely nothing for Kristen anymore. She couldn’t picture herself with anyone but Abigail.

  Joyful, she managed to make a jump shot and her teammates hooted in unison. Jess was riding high when everything turned chaotic. Two women on the other side of the yard began screaming at each other. Punches were being thrown, and the tower guard gave them a warning over the loud speaker. When the pair didn’t stop, he shot rubber bullets at them. Instead of controlling the violence, this just made things worse. A stream of guards rushed in to control the situation.

  The whole yard grew tense, and everyone was ordered back to their cells for lockdown. There was always someone who had to ruin it for everyone else, Jess thought. And it was probably over a stupid gang-related issue or a drug debt. The bullshit never ceased.

  *****

  Later on, after everyone had been counted and things calmed down, Kristen sat in her cell and thought of Lupe. She hoped her life was getting back on track. Then she began to think about her new cellmate. No one wanted to get stuck with the psycho lady, Tanya, who’d cooked her newborn baby and served it to her family as a holiday meal.

  Kristen prayed Warden Laura would send her someone acceptable. She’d been spoiled with Lupe, not just with her story-telling capabilities, but with her status. She made problems disappear and always had plenty of snacks to share.

  With more time to herself, Kristen fell into her old pattern of thinking about the past. The past was all she had now, other than hope for an unknown future. Instead of dwelling on childhood memories that couldn’t be changed and no longer mattered, she thought about her husband and sons.

  Ryan, the older boy, was the quiet one. He didn’t say much but there was a lot going on in his mind. As a child, he was her sunshine, always smiling and bright, but as he got older he grew withdrawn and moody, which probably had something to do with her drinking. She sighed another silent apology, then let her mind continue to wander, blending memories from life before prison with news Olivia had relayed in her letters.

  Kristen remembered when he wanted to grow up and become a veterinarian. He loved his dog and hoped to save his life one day. Unfortunately the dog died before he’d graduated high school. Jeremy had gotten the boys a new one right after Kristen went to jail, in order to soften the blow of losing both their mother and the family pet.

  Thinking of Jeremy made Kristen depressed. There was nothing to soften the beating he took. Emotional pain, financial problems, constant stress. The blows just kept coming.

  Kristen flipped through the graduation photos again, and it made her sad. Jeremy had changed a lot. He’d aged a decade in four years. Sure, he was still the most handsome man to her, but he’d lost that inner spark. The light that once emanated from his eyes and had attracted women both young and old everywhere they went, had dimmed.

  Kristen noticed he’d gained weight too. Probably from eating low quality food, she thought. Olivia said they could barely afford groceries, so it was a given they’d stopped buying organic. She worried that he wasn’t taking care of himself. He’d never been one for exercise as his day job working on cars had been exhausting enough. He smoked like a chimney too, ever since he was a teenager.

  All attempts to lecture him about eating right and exercising had fallen on deaf ears. Especially lately, because that advice was coming from his incarcerated wife. No matter what she suggested, either for him o
r the kids, it was discounted as the opinion of someone who’d gotten it all wrong and shouldn’t have a say.

  They would be angry for a long time. If she were in their place, she would be too.

  Kristen lay on her bunk and propped up her feet. She needed a vacation, so she chose to remember her last one. After getting fired, she told Jeremy it was a misunderstanding, that they had made a mistake. She knew the truth though. She was fucked. They had plenty of proof and were going to come down on her hard.

  In an attempt to pretend it wasn’t real, she planned one last extravagant trip to Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. Ryan didn’t want to go. He’d become increasingly distant and spent time hanging out with his friends. Jeremy had to work and wasn’t interested, so Kristen took Toby.

  The place was beautiful—top of the line—the room decorated in a high-end tropical theme with a view of the ocean. Kristen and Toby dined on lobster tail and jumbo shrimp in coconut sauce. They frolicked on the beach, running in and out of the crystal clear blue water, and played tag on the warm ribbon of sand.

  Kristen could still hear Toby giggling with the sound of the surf in the background like it was yesterday. He was just a boy then. Already a teen now.

  They went jet skiing, swam with dolphins and even had their photo taken giving one of the gentle creatures a kiss on the beak. Kristen and Toby spent an afternoon at Aquaventure Water Park, floating peacefully down the lazy river. On the Leap of Faith slide their hearts pounded hard in their chests as they plunged almost straight down from the top of a replica Mayan pyramid, racing through the clear acrylic tunnel into a pool surrounded by sharks.

  Exhausted after a day of non-stop activities, they spent the evening ordering burgers and chocolate milkshakes from room service. Each cozy in their own queen bed, they eventually fell asleep with the TV on.

  Kristen opened her eyes and gazed at the bottom of the unoccupied bunk above her. Her trip down memory lane should have been a purely happy one. But it wasn’t quite so simple. She had paid for the vacation with stolen money.